Selling Tylenol All Day Long 10Sep2002

I was assigned to work in the outpatient pharmacy today and the first thing I noticed were the ten brown boxes piled up against the wall front and center and the large sign above them that read, “No more than three boxes of Tylenol a month”.  How strange. Who needed more than three boxes of Tylenol a month? Well, it must be a lot of people to warrant a sign and this stockpile of Tylenol. So, I investigated. One box holds 150 tablets for the low price of three dollars and some change. The pharmacist on duty saw me looking at the price and said, “It’s a deal! We sell Tylenol all day long and supply it from here to the coast to grandmas, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone. Everyone wants our Tylenol!” My brain could not let this mystery go. What is happening here? Are these people in pain or is it just too good a deal to pass up? Grandma doesn’t need 450 Tylenol a month. Does she? Grandma’s liver would be shot. Wouldn’t it?

So, where does all this Tylenol go? Are they just being stocked in every medicine cabinet in Wilson? Is Tylenol being given out as presents at birthdays and holidays? I mean out of all the drugs out there, Tylenol. It is really baffling. I can’t even remember the last time I even took a Tylenol. I don’t even keep a bottle of Tylenol around just in case like I do for Ibuprofen, Excedrin, Benadryl, etc. So that is what I thought about all day long as I sold people their prescriptions, with a side of Tylenol. I guess there is comfort in knowing you always have plenty of unexpired Tylenol around, just in case? Maybe these people are Tylenol addicts? Is that even possible? Maybe it isn’t even Tylenol…

I should have just asked these people but that sounded like a strange question. I imagined myself asking and the person looking back at me and saying, “aren’t you a pharmacy intern” and “you don’t know what Tylenol is for”? So, I didn’t ask. I just smiled and sold the Tylenol.

Then for some reason I panicked and thought wait, how would I make money if I was an addict? Knitting? Crocheting? Please. I have no idea how to do these things now.  Maybe I need to learn a craft in case I become an addict, then I could make things to sell to keep me from stealing or doing other illegal things. Or better yet maybe I should just plan on becoming an addict after retirement. I would have my retirement money and not have to worry about keeping a job and this would be the time when I would probably need the drugs the most. Brillant!

I don’t have to tell you that I was very tempted to buy a box of Tylenol after my shift just to have on hand, but I put it back and thought I better not risk it, I need to wait until I am 65+.

As I drove home, I considered my new retirement plan. What a terrible idea. I hope I am not in the outpatient pharmacy tomorrow. My brain needs to be busier.