Schizophrenia and Scotland Neck: Take 2 March 24, 2003-April 7, 2003

So here I am in Tarboro again with Shannon, only it is April, we are in the “boys’ apartment”, and I am with Shannon W. and not Shannon K. I am so much different now than who I was in November. I have a greater understanding, the ease that occurs at the end, and the comfort knowing that I have a job and apartment waiting. Yep, the end is SO close.

It is so nice to walk into a patient’s room with Shannon and be able to exchange looks, laugh, and share what we know with the patient. Shannon and I had our very first rotation together the summer after we started pharmacy school when we were clueless strangers and now here we are years later as close friends and feeling mostly not as clueless. We listen to the patient until there is nothing left to hear or say. They feel comfortable sharing with us that grape juice will help their back, or a pocketknife is the best solution to their psoriasis. This patient casually told us they got their exercise yesterday running from a bear and when we laughed they told us they were serious, it actually happened. Terrifying. So, we just nod and smile and ask what else is going on. We have lost our fear of the diabetic foot exam because we learned that if we put a dab of lotion or hand sanitizer if we can’t find the lotion under our nose then we will not be able to smell people’s bare feet that they shamelessly sling into our laps. Our rural experience has become comfortable and dare I say familiar and I know I will miss it when it is over. When people tell us they need to call their son we realize now that might mean opening the window and yelling versus the boring and expected picking up of the phone. At this point, we have seen it all, or at least a lot. We have seen a lot and heard even more.

We are here in Scotland Neck with a doctor from Pakistan and a doctor from India running things, both of whom are in Scotland Neck because of some program that will help them pay for their medical school. They are there for a common goal but couldn’t be more different as one is married and one is single, one is old and one is young, one is stout and the other is pocket sized. The doctor from Pakistan told me that they should hate each other just based on where they are each from but of course, they don’t. They need each other. They band together as we sit in the one room ER and direct their jabs, demeaning comments about the profession of pharmacy, and grunt work on us, the pharmacy interns. I thought we were developing a rapport for some reason, remember my brain works differently, so I gifted one of the doctors a purple sparkly travel mug that said princess on it because I thought it was hilarious. We all knew the mug fit the man, I mean princess, but that was a mistake I will never make twice. We are certainly not friends and not even work colleagues; I am a student and not a very good one as he was sure to point out to me. Again. Lesson learned. It is not easy saving lives in Scotland Neck because there are a ton of things working against you, not to mention my inappropriate gifts.

Right before I started back in Scotland Neck, I had my seminar presentation on Schizophrenia. I worked on it for days, but it never felt like it was done or enough and yet, I did what I do best. Procrastination. I called Ed to talk trash. I ironed shirts and called everyone I know before watching MTV. The stupid TV started working and what is worse, it had cable. To be honest, cable was not my biggest distraction, it was Sean. My mind was split on schizophrenia and Sean. I have not written about him before because he causes me no pain, no confusion, or anything even slightly bad that I need my legally dumb brain to work through. He is comfort to me and also Thomas’ twin. So, in my own legally dumb way, I think I focused on the wrong twin. Goodbye iceberg and hello comfort. I don’t even want to tell you how many years it took me to figure this out but here we are and it only took one night out where it was just the two of us and martinis. There have always been other people around and so I never was able to just focus on him. Turns out, he is hilarious, smart, and caring and now he is always in my head. He walked in sometime after the first martini and just got comfortable. Very comfortable. My former orchestra stand partner Dana told me, as I was picking her up from the airport and asking her how her college experience was going, about a song that had the lyrics if you paid rent in my head and as soon as she said it we both went ugh, we would be SO RICH! I got it immediately and knew it was not good. She had her own guy living rent free in her head. Now, I have a new renter, and he was not moving in at the best time. My former preceptor, the Michael J. Fox doppelganger in Rocky Mount, he invited me over to his house. He used to be a mechanic, and he is going to teach me how to change the oil in my car so I can save money… and I am excited to learn this new life skill.