Two days till I turn 23- Accept What Is- October 21st and 28th 2002
Mini Character List
Monte- is a pharmacy school comrade. Answers to Danger. Most likely to be spotted in a novelty t-shirt.
There is a war going on in “the neck” and it is a war of who knows better. It is between pharmacists and doctors, and I am stuck in the middle. I know it is a war that has been waging long before I got here but I am new here and battle shy. No one needs to tell me that I don’t know stuff, I know that. I am reminded of it all day every day. I am technically still in school. I am not supposed to know stuff yet. Right? I carry around a remnant of pharmacy school which is a grey GAP crossbody shoulder messenger bag loaded down with everything I might need to get through the day. For as long as I can remember I’ve always had to carry a lot of stuff, the bag has just changed. It is a comfort. I feel vulnerable and unprepared without it and that is a feeling I go to great lengths to avoid.
What I don’t know is a lot and I will be the first one to tell you this. I will also admit when I am wrong which I didn’t know was a thing other people did not do. That is how new I am here. A doctor recently told me with an image of Goofy on his tie that I didn’t know enough to graduate. So, teach me. Please. I am here to learn from you. He was spouting this shit at me instead of teaching me trying to cover his dosing error that I called into question. I am a young, white female. I am the student of the pharmacist this Disney adult doctor is beefing with for reasons unknown to me. I second guessed a doctor. These are just some of the reasons why I got shit on. So, I just have to wipe it off and move on.
I am about as inexperienced as they come but even I know enough about how pharmacists are treated to know that this will probably be the first of maybe countless times that this will happen to me. I have seen/heard it happen to every pharmacist I have ever worked with because to state the obvious, this is what you are supposed to do as a pharmacist, catch dosing errors. Do people, including doctors, really think we are just supposed to dispense whatever the doctor writes for no matter what? Insert Goofy tie image here.
My birthday is coming up and along with the passage of time and my looming graduation I find myself reflecting on what it means for me to be getting older and wondering how much longer I can carry around this heavy Gap bag. Today I met two roommates who are 86 and 96. They sit next to each other in Barcaloungers with blankets in sweat suits in front of the tv. They were smart, energetic, but most of all they have an awesome sense of humor. There were able to laugh at themselves and their friendship seemed to keep them going. 96 said she would not make it two weeks without 86. They didn’t look or act their age. I envied them for a little while. I felt like they had cracked the code to happiness. I wanted a nice soft chair in front of a tv next to my best friend. They told me that they exercise in the morning and then go to the activity room all day then watch “stories” at night. How nice. Their walls were covered in pictures from their life and a sign that said, “My get up and go, got up and went”. It reminded me of dorm life except cozier and with a stack of Depends. I called Mone and I told her I had seen our future. I had actually stumbled into it today and I loved it. She didn’t sound as convinced as I was that it was perfect, but I know she will get there. These two women boiled down life for me and also provided a reminder to not forget your lipstick, “just because you are 96 doesn’t mean you don’t still need to wear lipstick”. I don’t think I have ever seen Monte wear lipstick but that didn’t prevent me from seeing us sitting in sweat suits laughing together. Now if I could just get a little romance in before I hit the Barcalounger. Please.